Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Fooling around

Yesterday I was in the car when I discovered that some men whom I see almost every week, have not been very honest husbands to their wives. Yesterday my suspicions were confirmed and I feel devastated. (Especially because I have always wanted to prove the pessimists wrong and say with conviction that yes, there are still honest and loyal men. Like my friends.)


Why??? Why fool around? In the course of my friendship with these men I learned that one major reason they fool around is because they've fallen out of love with their partners. (They don't say this though.) The men I'm referring to are the typical men who get their girlfriends pregnant and end up marrying them. But now that they're married, the foundations of their relationships have crumbled under the pressure of work. Sweet girlfriends have become nagging wives complaining about the long distances their husbands always have to travel, never thinking that the work isn't easy. The arguments boil down to the husbands not spending enough time with the family.

I naturally side with my friends' wives. "Of course," I say, "your wives have a point; you've got to balance work and family!"

Correct me if you think I'm wrong but my advice to my MARRIED friends has always been, "Work it out! Give her flowers, kiss her unexpectedly. Do nice things to keep the romance alive. If she doesn't reciprocate and continues to be bitchy about everything and you both still feel shitty - leave. Because if you don't leave now, you will still break up later on anyway when you're 50 or 60. That's a bit too many memories to start over again, don't you think?"

(But what do I know of marriage and relationships? Come to think of it, a lot actually. Indirectly I learn from the mistakes of people I know so that I hope I won't have to make their mistakes in my life.)

Though my friends don't feel much love for their wives, they never think of separation as the solution. That's because of several reasons: "Kawawa ang kids." "Breaking up is expensive." "We might never see our kids again." "We need our wives to take care of the kids." (Tell me, what can I say to that?)

Yesterday in the car, my friend confided that he fooled around to "experience what's it like." You know, "try-try lang." (Susmaria! What an unintelligent, stupid thing to say. But then again if this is what he really feels... I can only shake my head in disbelief.)

Interestingly, my friend revealed that fooling around is quite stressful. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Is the girl always asking you for money?" (No pun intended when i said that.) "No, it's the guilt," he explained. "It's the nagging feeling that what I'm doing is wrong. " Ah ha, he's not that bad after all. "Of course it's wrong!" I agreed. "You either break up with your wife and start anew but don't fool around behind her back."


I warned him that perhaps one day he's going to meet someone who he will really consider leaving his wife for. Good for him. But poor unsuspecting wife. "Do what's fair." Fooling around is not fair.

I really hope he changes. The rest of them too.

8 comments:

r0n4Ld said...

"Men by nature are insatiable". :D

Anonymous said...

sus! comment lang ko ani unya kay nahutdan kog time. makarelate ko ani. bwahahhaa!

Anonymous said...

sa atoa society na naa pa gihapon ng pagka "macho image" kung naa ka "chix" beside sa imo asawa. ako papa, for example, since nagkamulat ko naga chix2x na jud na siya. and dili kaayo nako masabtan sa una ngano man jud dili siya makontento sa akoang mama. tas karon na mejo edad edaran nah (hihihihi) nakita nako na common na jud nang fooling around while la ang asawa. gamay lang KAAYO ang population sa mga faithful na bana.
naa mi silingan na sa una role model sa amoa lugar. buutan, responsable, loving na husband og father sa iyang mga anak. pero na shock ming tanan na kung wehn pa nagtigualng didto pa siya nakit an saiyang mga anak na naay kauban na laing babae.
wala man jud ko naka experience jud og binuang sa ako gf, like naay relationship sa laing babae pero mangambot lang ko. tama man tu mga reasons nila. ang ako gina ingon sa ako gf, dapat prepared ta sa mga butang and honest. kung nag fall out of love, bisan sakit man so be it... magbulag. kaysa i-continue ang rel nya naay maka sala di ba? saun lang iigon pero dili gud ing ana ka dali pero unsaon ta man di ba? hihihi
pero what is weird... mas daghan ko kaila na babae na naga fool around sa uban lalake. kung dili sa ila mga uyab, sa ila bana. wala naman siguro sa gender na run. naa na jud na sa tao na weak ang principles og weak and will power vs uwag. hahahahahahaha

-al

Anonymous said...

sa atoa society na naa pa gihapon ng pagka "macho image" kung naa ka "chix" beside sa imo asawa. ako papa, for example, since nagkamulat ko naga chix2x na jud na siya. and dili kaayo nako masabtan sa una ngano man jud dili siya makontento sa akoang mama. tas karon na mejo edad edaran nah (hihihihi) nakita nako na common na jud nang fooling around while la ang asawa. gamay lang KAAYO ang population sa mga faithful na bana.
naa mi silingan na sa una role model sa amoa lugar. buutan, responsable, loving na husband og father sa iyang mga anak. pero na shock ming tanan na kung wehn pa nagtigualng didto pa siya nakit an saiyang mga anak na naay kauban na laing babae.
wala man jud ko naka experience jud og binuang sa ako gf, like naay relationship sa laing babae pero mangambot lang ko. tama man tu mga reasons nila. ang ako gina ingon sa ako gf, dapat prepared ta sa mga butang and honest. kung nag fall out of love, bisan sakit man so be it... magbulag. kaysa i-continue ang rel nya naay maka sala di ba? saun lang iigon pero dili gud ing ana ka dali pero unsaon ta man di ba? hihihi
pero what is weird... mas daghan ko kaila na babae na naga fool around sa uban lalake. kung dili sa ila mga uyab, sa ila bana. wala naman siguro sa gender na run. naa na jud na sa tao na weak ang principles og weak and will power vs uwag. hahahahahahaha

-al

MayaFlaminda said...

thanks for sharing al. i know someone who owns a girly bar - the most expensive one in dc. (hotels rich clients go here.) to affirm what you said - this girly bar owner says that 90 percent of his customers are married men. but you are right in saying there are plenty of unfaithful wives out there. siguro it's just that the unfaithful wives are more discreet about it. (?) come to think, monogamy is a new invention. meaning to say, it's not really human nature to stick to one person for a lifetime - unless there's commitment and all that stuff. So to all old partners who are still deeply in love with each other - wish i will be as lucky as you. :)

MayaFlaminda said...

And so are women, ronald! So are women! :D

Kc said...

Lucky as me, May? Haha. I've witnessed enough fooling around growing up. I hope this doesn't happen to me! But yeah, people have been polygamous for ages. Although I still believe it's innate: only one man for one woman (at a time). Why all the jealousy and sneaking around, right?

Keith said...

Living in America, In am amazed at how many men want to "hedge their bets" by being unfaithful. It makes me recall the song "Next Time I Fall in Love, It Will be With You."

I was never unfaithful to my last partner, by let it be known, that when an accusation flies once, twice, three times a lady, and it is not my fidelity that is in question...

Amazing how when accusations fly, it is those who throw the most violent attacks, are often the ones most culpable.

Wonderful article, Maya.